First Car 101

How do teens and their parents agree on the right ride? We contacted a noted family psychologist and California State University at Los Angeles professor, Dr. Rick Fraser, to give us insight on Family Negotiating 101.

Motor Trend: What a teen wants is often the opposite of what a parent deems appropriate. How can kids and their folks negotiate a win-win situation?
Dr. Rick Fraser: There are three things parents need to express: First, parents tend to see car buying as a leap in responsibility. It's a way to not only reward kids for responsibility in the past, but also to teach them responsibility at a higher level for the future. Second, parents need to be practical and up-front with their kids about the expense incurred with ownership--the cost of the new or used vehicle, insurance, maintenance, and fuel--and what they're willing to be accountable for materially. Finally, there's the emotional cost of seeing a teen drive off in a car, and parents need to communicate this. Usually, conflict comes with kids' desire for freedom, independence, and an underlying need for support and encouragement. If these three things are openly and clearly communicated, parents won't likely run into negotiation problems, as a baseline has been established.

MT: Many teens today feel their parents should purchase a vehicle for them, while parents may want to instill a sense of value by having their young adult work for his wheels. What's the right compromise?
R.F.: There's a statistic among family therapists that says kids shouldn't work outside home or school more than 14 hours per week. Anything over that 14-hour period has been shown to adversely affect their academics. The compromise that should be made is asking the teen what he's willing to contribute toward the automobile. If the response is that no responsibility will be taken, the whole car thing needs to be negotiated. If he's willing to take responsibility, that's where it starts. Parents need to factor in outside work time, geographical information (can the teen walk to work or take public transportation, or is a car a necessity?) into the negotiation.

MT: Teens have the highest accident rates of any driver segment in the U.S. How should parents approach their kids and encourage a sense of responsibility for their lives and the lives of others when they're behind the wheel?
R.F.: That falls into the emotional category. Parents must openly communicate the need for safety. Most parents aren't so much worried about their own kids driving, as much as they're worried about the other drivers out there and the experience it takes for their kids to develop into good drivers--especially in an emergency situation. Instilling that doesn't happen overnight. It's an emotional family event that occurs over a lifetime.